What Do You Have To Offer?

You decide you are ready for a long term relationship, possibly leading to marriage.  What is the first thing you do?  You develop a list of attributes for the perfect mate.  You list the characteristics you want this person to bring into the relationship.  This is a good start, but what does this person you are searching for want from you?  What do you have to offer?  What are you bringing into the relationship?

Barnett Brickner says that ‘success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate’.  

The chances of finding someone who will fulfill every criteria on your list is very slim.  You will not know this until you have spent some time getting to know this person.  Then you discover that 'flaw'.  Now what do you do?  

We come to love not by  finding a perfect person,  but by learning to see an  imperfect person perfectly. -- Anonymous

Lisa Moriyama says that 'If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings'.  I think this means that each time you discover that 'flaw', (and yes - there will be more than one) you have to decide how important that single item is to your happiness and your future together with this person.

For example, I am a non-smoker.  When I was single, I did not date smokers.  The first couple of times I met my wife, we were in a non-smoking environment.  It wasn't until we started dating that I learned she smoked.  Now what do I do?  I liked her, we had a lot in common. Do I stop seeing her because she smokes?  Fortunately, we continued to date and later married.  I am also happy to report that she is now a non-smoker.  

- Joe Freeman

Next Issue