You have just been heavily engaged in a serious discussion (i.e. fight) with your spouse.  Is this the right time to bring up other issues that have been nagging at you and causing you discomfort?  I don’t think so!  Your teenage son just came home late and missed his curfew.  Is this the proper time to discuss responsibility and respect for his parents?  I don’t think so!

Everyone experiences these issues from time to time and some people are even exposed to these issues daily.  We naturally want to express our disagreement with the behavior we have witnessed and many of us (me!) feel it is our duty to point out any and all indiscretions immediately.  If I don’t point it out, how else will the guilty party know they need to change!  No way are we going to let this opportunity slip away from us.  We will be relentless until the guilty party admits the error of their ways and swears to change their behavior.

Those of us who engage in this activity have, on occasion, been the recipient of this type of behavior and we didn’t like it.  So what do we do?  We change the focus of the conversation (i.e. argument) to someone else.  In other words we attempt to regain control of the conversation so that we may continue to point out the failures of others.

You may not be able to identify with this behavior, but your spouse, your children and maybe your coworkers would describe you as difficult person.  So don’t be surprised one day when your spouse says those dreaded words – ‘we need to talk’.

- Joe Freeman